I love my job. I work at the county hospital and I treat everyone who basically gets refused treatment other places. Because of the way the employee health benefits work (completely covered hospitalizations) I also treat nurses and administrators and other employees of the hospital.
Most of my patients are a joy and I gain a lot through my interactions and having opportunites to impact their lives in a positive way through health education and connecting resources for them on top of managing their corporal care.
Recently though, I have run into a few situations that have made me toss and turn at night. I can't get into details because of privacy issues but I will say that the frustration comes from caring for people who don't seem to want to make any initiative to be an active player in their own health. I don't mean because they are lying languid and depressed from pain or a debilitating disease. I understand trying to "check out" in those situations. I'm talking about recovering from a non-life threatening procedure and ignoring advice about mobility and food choices---things that only the patient can control---and expecting their situation to resolve with medication and time alone.
My brief but intimate encounters with my patients can be frustrating when they fit this bill because there is only so much that can be done externally for a person and at some point the outside help has to recognize that my responsibility can only stretch as far as my contributions to the patient. It is frustrating to have to let go of the things only they can control. On one hand I am hoping to get to the point where I am able to let go of that aspect of care so that I won't worry as much, but on the other hand I am afraid to lose that part of my motivation to care.
